A Firesign Chat


||||||||| Catherwood re-enters the Waiting Room and explains "This is the main discussion room which is logged each night."
||||||||| Catherwood announces, "The time is 4:33 AM - I now declare Thursday's chat log for August 12, 2010 officially open!"... and then, he retires back to the vestibule...
||||||||| "5:04 AM? 5:04 AM!!" says Catherwood, "DittleyDoDexDah should be here by now...oh, THERE you are!" as DittleyDoDexDah enters and sits on the couch.

Back from the shadows again!
Out where an In-jun’s your friend!
Where the veg’tables are green,
And you can pee into the stream!
Yes, we’re back from the Shadows again!

Yet now, as inevitable as dawn,
the Sun, arching on its axis,
rises to meet the East
-- chariot-racing across the high noon desert sky,
only to plummit,
like bald Icarus, into the sensual,
fermenting seas of the South Pacific
. And even now,
yet, as scary night decends upon us,
we could appreciate the Wonders of Nature
as stimulating as Man’s Own Triumphs!

Let us pause . . .

you too, Dex!


. . . love you!
You obt. Svt, “Fuddles.”
That ought to do it.
[Reading back]
Dear Nabby . . . [Corrects letter]
. . . Thanks for the pomegranates,
Spunky loves them,
and will be sitting up soon,
I hope. As for the excellent porcelian astrolab
. . . “a”?
There’s an “e” in there
--- “astrolabe”
. . . which miraclously arrived in percise working condition
after its perilous journey
‘round the Tit
-- oh, Tip
-- oh dear, that’s a “p”
-- “Tip


>. . . I set it up directly,
and having once aligned it upon the Celestial Doggie,
the sight so roused me,
that I was seized by a transport of scientifc rapture!
And, whilst a happy prisoner
of this unhappy state,
I fell upon my glorious machine,
and knocked it, perforce, up
-- down
-- the kitchen stairs,
carrying faithful Bunky
-- Spunky
-- with it.
You can imagine my confusion.


But, quid malmborg in plano,
consternation turned to lucidation.
(Period there.)

Could this be the solution to our problems,
both personal and scientifick?
Howsoever, a devilishly natural principal of science had revealed itself
-- exclaimation point
-- and, through my quivering quill,
I present it to you thus
-- quote
-- “If you push something hard enough,
it will fall over
.” End quote.
So little did this console poor Spunky,
that I was compelled [Fading]
to lie on her for at least a fortnight . . .

||||||||| DittleyDoDexDah says "Catherwood, call me a cab." After the obvious joke, DittleyDoDexDah exits at 5:09 AM.
||||||||| H STONES sneaks in around 4:58 PM, trying to avoid Catherwood because of last month's "unpleasant incident."
H STONES: just to let you know that tonight, when darkness falls, hope for clear skies, its the main night of the Perseids Meteor shower and is already exceeding expectations over here where darkness has just fallen.
||||||||| Catherwood enters the room, strikes a gong, and bellows "THE TIME IN NEW YORK IS 5 O'CLOCK", then silently exits.
||||||||| It's 5:10 PM, and that means it's time to play BEAT THE REAPER! And here's how our contestants did:
||||||||| H STONES - dead from dengue fever
||||||||| Better luck next time! And now, back to our chatroom, which is already in progress...
||||||||| A time machine materializes at 8:26 PM and ah,clem steps out, carrying a grape from ancient Greece.
||||||||| New CNI streaming notice: '"a few minutes with FireSign Theater" at about 9 eastern'
||||||||| Around 8:35 PM, ah,clem walks off into the sunset...
||||||||| Catherwood strides in with a trumpet, plays a fanfare, and proclaims "Nine PM on Thursday, August 12, 2010 - I now declare alt.comedy.firesgn-thtre's chat officially open!" -- then he looks around at the empty room, looks at his watch, and mumbles "...am I early?"
||||||||| Dexter Fong steals in around 9:01 PM, trying to avoid Catherwood because of last week's "unpleasant incident."
||||||||| ddywnall tiptoes in around 9:02 PM, trying to avoid Catherwood because of last night's "unpleasant incident."
ddywnall: gnineve doog
||||||||| Catherwood ushers cease into the room, accepts a jar of pennies as a gratuity, mumbles something about 9:03 PM, then departs.
cease: hi llan, dex
ddywnall: hey cat. hey fong
cease: already 1 more than tuesday
Dexter Fong: Thanks for the excellent excerpt, Mr. Broiled. Wel done, indeed.
ddywnall: I've never stopped in on tuesday
Dexter Fong: Eh?
Dexter Fong: What's going on?
cease: its the clem voice
Dexter Fong: Hey cat and llan
cease: merl and i were here on tuesday
||||||||| Outside, the 9:06 PM downtown bus from Bedminster pulls away, leaving ah,clem coughing in a cloud of diesel fumes.
ddywnall: for the second time in less than a year I am joining you from a hotel in massachusetts
||||||||| "9:06 PM? 9:06 PM!!" says Catherwood, "H STONES should be here by now...oh, THERE you are!" as H STONES enters and sits at the bar.
ah,clem: good evening
ddywnall: or however you spell it
cease: wow. the room is filling up
ddywnall: hey clem. hey stones
Dexter Fong: Hi Stones
H STONES: its bright this year clem
H STONES: hi Dexter
Dexter Fong: And good evening also Clem
ah,clem: we have clouds, hope it clears off
ddywnall: I tried to watch the perseid meteors last night but I got a pain in my neck
cease: overcast sky here
H STONES: we have rafts of cloud with occasional thundery showers but some clear patches have allowed glimpses of very brigh meteors and even a few fireballs
cease: there's a sucker born every minute. barnum or wc fields?
ddywnall: happy harry
Dexter Fong: Happy Harry Barnum
ah,clem: cool Stones, am going to go out to the porch and see how it is here now
Dexter Fong: or was it a Barman?
ddywnall: I believe it was actually Swami Barnumakrishna
cease: you know the story this comes from, this ufo dog thing
Dexter Fong: Not sure I do
cease: i was watcihng a ufo show and it had an episode about a crash in texas in the 1890s
cease: i'm sure thats where the firesigns got this piece from
Dexter Fong: Sirius the dog star sattelite?
ddywnall: and nino probably doesn't even know where I am
Dexter Fong: llan: Nino says Middletown, Mass
H STONES: the best ufo story i read was in John Keels book Operation Trojan Horse. A farmer wakes up with a brilliant light in his farm yard, and his dog barking, he goes down and opens his back door and is confronted by three men in shine suits. the one at the front says. "Its ok, we dont want no trouble, we just want your dog!"
cease: i think nergie was austin's dog in those days
ddywnall: I don't know where middleton is but he got the state right
ddywnall: I'm actually not at home this evening
Dexter Fong: Stones: Did they get him...the dog that is?
ah,clem: still too cloudy to see anything here, will check again later
H STONES: if i remember right, the farmer fire his gun over their heads and they took off, literally
cease: are you on the road acting, llan?
ah,clem: but at least no lightning
ddywnall: no, actually here to visit a friend this time
Dexter Fong: They probably wanted to probe the dog
ddywnall: but my friend can't put me up
ddywnall: last time I joined chat from MA I was doing a film
cease: you''ll have to take the elevator
H STONES: when it comes to investigation of UFOs, Keel has all the others beat. He will be sorely missed
ddywnall: lol
cease: is he british?
H STONES: no, midwest i think
Dexter Fong: Was he abducted to be probed, Stones?
H STONES: i heard he died of normal unnatural causes
ddywnall: there is only one computer in the hotel lobby so I'll have to let somebody else on. I'll be back later
H STONES: they showed the Mothmen Prophesies here again, only last week
Dexter Fong: See you later llan
H STONES: the film wqas not bad and actually captured the weirdness and paranoia which always seems to follow ufologists and bystanders dragged into the story
H STONES: see ya llan
cease: later, llan
H STONES: Spielberg always did his research thoroughly
H STONES: (reaches for another Blue Moss)
cease: i'll look for the dvd, stones
Dexter Fong pours himself a Stirling Moss
H STONES: Sherrif Stones pulls him over for speeding
H STONES: its worth a search, cease
Dexter Fong avoids Sherrif Stones' attempt to lap him
H STONES: oh my God its Magod brothers again
H STONES: goes to check the skies again bbs
cease: what happened to evil knevel? did he finally die in a jump?
H STONES: i hear he took a fall
Dexter Fong: Not that I know of...and his son is now jumping cycles over stuff
||||||||| It's 9:30 PM, and that means it's time to play BEAT THE REAPER! And here's how our contestants did:
||||||||| ddywnall - dead from the fiddlers
||||||||| Better luck next time! And now, back to our chatroom, which is already in progress...
cease: a problem with firesign plays, when they're too based on the celebrity of the era, now long forgotten
H STONES: same happens with hollywood i think
cease: indeed stones, but i think firesign have more pretentions of immortality
H STONES: two more flying saucers have just landed on my plate
ah,clem: if I may say sir, I think you have your phenomena scrambled, General
H STONES: this is one of FTs funniest sketches
ah,clem: thought it fitting for meteor day
H STONES: quite right Cle
H STONES: clem
cease: its a great album
ah,clem: but I have incoming, may have to sighn off after this
ah,clem: rolling thunder
H STONES: is it one of ours ?
ah,clem: but at least we got to play for a while
cease: indeed, clem
H STONES: bear whiz bear, its in the water, thats why its yellow
Dexter Fong: Gee! whizz!!
cease: when the lads were coming back to making records in late 90s, the first new thing they did was a little update of eykiw
cease: april fools day, 1997
cease: you all have that? mostly a series of parody ads
Dexter Fong: Don't know if I'm familiar with that Cat, did they record and release it?
cease: it was a radio project. proc gave me a cassette of it.
cease: you heard any of their rose parade shows? this is a rif on that
Dexter Fong: Yeah
cease: parades offer so many comic possibilities for them
Dexter Fong: Good thing it's not festival seating Clem
H STONES: sweet dreams clem
Dexter Fong: Night Clem and thanks
H STONES: and thanks for the story
ah,clem: good night all!
cease: good luck with the weather, clem
||||||||| ah,clem runs out the back door as Mayor P'nisnose blasts through the front door holding a shotgun and shouting "Where's ah,clem?! It's 9:51 PM and my ballot boxes haven't been stuffed yet!"
H STONES: we have the same weather over here tonight and more of it tomorrow
Dexter Fong: Fierce weather pretty much all over the place Stones
H STONES: interesting to see what Solar maximum brings us
cease: no one moves to vancouver for the weather
Dexter Fong: I believe it's a result of global warming but I'd like to know if we're in an El Nino or La Nina cycle
H STONES: although i am a lifelong Friends of the Earth campaigner, i sill only believe that global warming is only partly due to human activity, i think we under estimate the changes caused by solar various and our eliptical and wobbling planetary orbit
Dexter Fong: Dunno stones, the evidence is pretty over whelming....it's not just the past 10 or 20 or 40 years, it's some 100 or more years
||||||||| "9:58 PM? 9:58 PM!!" says Catherwood, "Principalpoop should be here by now...oh, THERE you are!" as Principalpoop enters and sits in the comfy chair.
Principalpoop: hellodo
cease: new character enter
Dexter Fong: Hey poop
Principalpoop: how is everybody doing?
H STONES: wheels within wheels Dexter. mopre than three hundred years ago we had the little ice age and another one which caused the vikings to invade the uk becasue they were frozen up
Dexter Fong: Just trying to weather the weather
Principalpoop: plus the vikings had a yen for some spotted dick
Dexter Fong: That was before the Industrial revolution which has been pouring greenhouse gases and particulate matter into the atmosphere since oh 1870's or so
||||||||| Catherwood enters the room, strikes a gong, and bellows "THE TIME IN NEW YORK IS 10 O'CLOCK", then silently exits.
H STONES: C02 is clearly a problem but it seems to have squeezed out all the other dangerous forms of pollution we are emitting and then of course the depletion of resources
Principalpoop: no no no, I came here for humor, not gloom and doom, stop that
H STONES: environmental issues are increasingly two dimensional
cease: lol poop.
Dexter Fong: I thought you came here for abuse
cease: you missed cni tonight. clem went off the air to escape lightening
Principalpoop: that too, i practice lots of self-abuse hehe
H STONES: he sure moves fast that guy
cease: we listened to eykiw
Principalpoop: that is true you know
Principalpoop: ewkiw
cease: sounds like one of the bc first nations
Principalpoop: did you see the new cosomology model, that eliminates the big bang and dark matter?
cease: new, poop? i hadnt heard of it
Dexter Fong: Poop: No, where did you see it?
cease: i thought most of the universe is dark energy
Principalpoop: phys.org or something like that
Principalpoop: not any more, no dark energy
Principalpoop: they invented that to make sense of data
cease: aha
Principalpoop: but the model doesn't need that correction
Principalpoop: brb
H STONES: i though there was supposed to be loads of it, did someone steal it ?
Dexter Fong: Maybe the telescopes were smudgy
cease: i hope the new model is of use to the firesign theatre
Dexter Fong: There was this turtle who lived on dark energy
Principalpoop: back
Dexter Fong: Good
H STONES: well folks, i am dead beat and have to be up early so i better dash off
cease: this sounds like something bergman and ossman would mention on their new show
cease: i havent heard today's oz, i should put it on
Dexter Fong: Have a good week Stones
Principalpoop: dark energy and matter was not really dark, it was transparent
||||||||| "10:10 PM? 10:10 PM!!" says Catherwood, "Bunnyboy should be here by now...oh, THERE you are!" as Bunnyboy enters and sits on the divan.
Bunnyboy: What's all this lying?
Bunnyboy: Around?
Dexter Fong: hidere
cease: by stones, hi bun
Principalpoop: best of luck your highness and honey too
Principalpoop: hip hop bunny
cease: poop has news about the universe, bun
Principalpoop: tell him, brb
cease: it not so dark after all, just like your president
H STONES: you too guys, sorry to sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
Bunnyboy: What's on the CNI stream? I'm listening to Hour Hour at this end.
||||||||| 10:11 PM -- H STONES left for parts unknown.   (Entry from Nick Danger's "Idiots I Have Been Paid To Follow").
Dexter Fong: CNI was shut down by clem due to incipinet lightning
cease: cni is playing hour hour?
||||||||| "10:12 PM? 10:12 PM!!" says Catherwood, "Elayne should be here by now...oh, THERE you are!" as Elayne enters and sits on the couch.
cease: clem played eykiw and then had to leave to avoid lightening
Elayne: Evenin' all! Thought I'd drop by during the 7th inning stretch...
Dexter Fong: I think bunny is listening to the WFMU or like that
Dexter Fong: Hi Elayne
Bunnyboy: See? I knew I'd beat Elayne into chat!
Principalpoop: hi E and bye all,
Dexter Fong: Night poop
Elayne: Bye PrinPoop!
Bunnyboy: Naw, Hour Hour's on my iPhone.
cease: how are things in seattle, bun?
Bunnyboy: I usually toggle between new RFO and old Hour Hour.
cease: did you get all the hour hours from radio jive?
Bunnyboy: ...often while reading National Lampoon, Mad or The Avengers...on my durn phone!
cease: i guess the new jersey ones are archived on that station's site
Bunnyboy: Seattle's warming up again, finally.
Bunnyboy: I'm snagging the WFMU files, this summer.
cease: we had 4 days of rain, which we really needed. back to sun again now
cease: i listened to the new wfmu show with merl here on tues. i think it's a dear friends
cease: hey el
Bunnyboy: I'm fairly nearsighted, but gave up wearing glasses several years ago. I only wear glasses if I'm watching TV.
||||||||| It's 10:20 PM, and that means it's time to play BEAT THE REAPER! And here's how our contestants did:
||||||||| Principalpoop - dead from the common cold
||||||||| Better luck next time! And now, back to our chatroom, which is already in progress...
cease: did the dark matter kidnap poop?
Bunnyboy: Mary's prescription is/was pretty similiar to mine, so I wear an old pair of her glasses, for living room purposes.
Dexter Fong: I think I'll call it an early knight, see y'all next week
cease: that's useful, bun
Bunnyboy: One of my lenses finally fell out, so I said "Phooey!", and just wore the Cyclops set.
cease: see you next week, dex
Bunnyboy: Durned if this setup didn't produce (for me) a pronounced 3D TV effect!
cease: cheap 3d. what a trip.
cease: had to buy new tv last week when old one died. saw the 3d sets in the store but i dont want to wear any more glasses than i already wear
Elayne: Bye Dex!
Bunnyboy: nite Dex!
cease: how's it going, el?
Bunnyboy: New classic WB toon DVDs this week.
||||||||| It's 10:30 PM, and that means it's time to play BEAT THE REAPER! And here's how our contestants did:
||||||||| Dexter Fong - dead from jaundice
||||||||| Better luck next time! And now, back to our chatroom, which is already in progress...
Bunnyboy: Somebody's havin' a tea party, and it ain't me.
||||||||| Bunnyboy sneaks away to The Sitting Room...
||||||||| 10:32 PM -- Bunnyboy enters.   (Entry from Nick Danger's "Idiots I Have Been Paid To Follow").
Bunnyboy: Echo echo echo echo
cease: is anyone here?
cease: well, some of us will be here next thursday
||||||||| Catherwood says "10:35 PM, time for SOMEONE to leave!", grabs cease by the collar and gives 'em the old bum's rush out the door
Bunnyboy: Time to hit the door?
Bunnyboy: So it be. Later, Elayne!
||||||||| Bunnyboy rushes off, saying "10:39 PM? Mark Time is almost on! Where's a radio?"
||||||||| It's 10:40 PM, and that means it's time to play BEAT THE REAPER! And here's how our contestants did:
||||||||| Elayne - dead from jaundice
||||||||| Better luck next time! And now, back to our chatroom, which is already in progress...
||||||||| Catherwood ushers Elayne into the room, accepts an I.O.U. as a gratuity, grumbles something about 10:40 PM, then departs.
||||||||| It's 10:50 PM, and that means it's time to play BEAT THE REAPER! And here's how our contestants did:
||||||||| Elayne - dead from measles
||||||||| Better luck next time! And now, back to our chatroom, which is already in progress...
||||||||| Catherwood enters, and announces to all and sundry "It's 4:32 AM, time to change the log file and clean out unused rooms; please exit the chat room for a minute or two. Thank you for your patience."

The Evening's Participants:
Dexter Fong
URL References:

Rogues' Gallery:

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PP and Cat(cease)

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kend^/Dr. Headphones

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Merlyn and Tirebiter

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LeatherG & SO

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Ah, Clem and Bambi

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Compañero Señor Yämamoto

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Dexter Fong

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Bubba's Brain

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Bob D Caterino

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Dave & Katie

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404 - Not Found, Not Forgotten

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Peggy Blisswhips

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Audrey Farber

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Tiny Dr. Tim
Rest In Peace, Dear Friend

And, "The Home Team"