A Firesign Chat


Special appearance by
Phil Austin as 'Paustin'

||||||||| Catherwood re-enters the Waiting Room and explains "This is the main discussion room which is logged each night."
||||||||| Catherwood announces, "The time is 4:33 AM - I now declare Thursday's chat log for December 08, 2011 officially open!"... and then, he retires back to the vestibule...
||||||||| With a theatrical clearing of his throat, Catherwood intones: "12:45 PM and late as usual, it's The--Oss--Man, just back from Funfun Town."
The--Oss--Man: It was David's Birthday, this past Tuesday!!
||||||||| At 12:46 PM, the lights go out! Rocky Rococo's voice pierces the inky darkness: "I've got you now, The--Oss--Man!" Shattering glass is heard, and then the lights come back on...
||||||||| 8:58 PM: HobbitTween jumps out of the hall closet saying "I've been listening to all of you talking about me for the past half hour!"
||||||||| Catherwood strides in with a trumpet, plays a fanfare, and proclaims "Nine PM on Thursday, December 08, 2011 - I now declare alt.comedy.firesgn-thtre's chat officially open!"
||||||||| With a theatrical clearing of his throat, Catherwood snorts derisively: "9:01 PM and late as usual, it's cease, just back from Elmertown."
cease: Oss-man?
cease: hi tween
HobbitTween: Hey cease
HobbitTween: Not the real Ossman, but an incredible simulation
HobbitTween: He's 75, right?
cease: i saw some pix from ossman
cease: latest show on facebook
cease: yes, born in 36. wrote a great poem about that day
HobbitTween: We;ve had some extremely cold weather down here. In the 20's at night
HobbitTween: Would you Canucks please stop that? Bad for tourism. We're known for our mild Winters ;)
cease: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Rob-Schouten-Gallery/137694492947856
cease: 3 pix from the event are here
||||||||| "9:07 PM? 9:07 PM!!" says Catherwood, "a_pizza_to_go should be here by now...oh, THERE you are!" as a_pizza_to_go enters and sits in the comfy chair.
cease: and they'll be playing portland tomorrow
HobbitTween: Hey Pizza
cease: hi pizza
a_pizza_to_go: (they'll never guess my secret identity...)
HobbitTween: Yeah, I saw that Ossman had been there. Very cool
HobbitTween: Do you like anchovies?
cease: the lads are really active these days
HobbitTween: That's great to hear, cease :)
a_pizza_to_go: hey C. hey T.
a_pizza_to_go: Nino (like the president) is still broken.
a_pizza_to_go: goin' to Portland C?, not that far a drive.
cease: too far for me
cease: i barely drive
||||||||| Principalpoop waltzes in at 9:12 PM carrying an obsidian door knocker.
cease: hi poop
a_pizza_to_go: that's like going to San Fran for me. about 8 hrs?
||||||||| Catherwood ushers llanwydd in through the front door at 9:13 PM, picks up his cues (only slightly scorched), and heads for the billiard room.
Principalpoop: is that my pizza?
llanwydd: good evening
Principalpoop: any anchovies?
Principalpoop: hi llan
cease: hi llan
Principalpoop: hi all
a_pizza_to_go: have a slice.
llanwydd: we don't deliver to sector r
HobbitTween: Hey P, LL
a_pizza_to_go: hey Llano.
Principalpoop: they never come up in the mountains, sigh
Principalpoop: wow, lots of pepperoni
llanwydd: thanks but I don't do cholestrol anymore
Principalpoop: where is the cholesterol in pizza?
a_pizza_to_go: no chovies... no roni. just plain pizza here.
llanwydd: I had my own homemade ratatouille for dinner
a_pizza_to_go: extra rat, i assume?
Principalpoop: rat meat is expensive, so hard to gut and clean the carcass
llanwydd: lol
cease: another spinache pizza for dinner for me
a_pizza_to_go: just go to "Rat In The Box"
Principalpoop: next to Puke in the Box?
llanwydd: KFR
Principalpoop: and before you get to sh t in the box hehe
cease: one of the best of the firesign parody ads
a_pizza_to_go: you guys never saw that FT commercial?
a_pizza_to_go: ah C, has.
Principalpoop: saw?
cease: better than anything i've ever seen in adbusters
Principalpoop: C saw
a_pizza_to_go: i still like Bear Whiz, but yeah, that's a great one.
cease: from their movie eobe, which is more comercials than album or movie
a_pizza_to_go: i also like "Sneezers Chicken"
llanwydd: ...with a bucket o'cluck
a_pizza_to_go: P & B did that one, as i recall?
a_pizza_to_go is old
cease: do you remember any commercial parodies on their first album?
Principalpoop: with J, on white bread
HobbitTween: I like the Jack Poet commercials
a_pizza_to_go: had to be on "Beat The Reaper" ?
llanwydd: there was a commercial for turkish taffy...no, it was...
cease: album 2 begins with an ad for ralph spoilsport and it's been ads ever since
cease: 2 & 3 were both influenced by A Life in the Day, also called The TV Set from 67
a_pizza_to_go: Jack Poet Volkwagen.
cease: but i think it was the only mushroom play to use ads
cease: poet was later
Principalpoop: Was castor oil flakes a parody?
a_pizza_to_go: and, the "Musical Heritage Surplus Club of Hong Kong..."
cease: i think so
a_pizza_to_go: "Balliol Bros" (lip stiffener)
cease: they hada brief radio show at the end of 68 that jack poet sponsored
Principalpoop: is there a theoretical relationship between parody and paradigm?
cease: what a pair!
Principalpoop: you could do shakesphere from it
a_pizza_to_go: only when irony is on vacation.
llanwydd: so what is the commercial parody on bozos?
Principalpoop: walt disney world
a_pizza_to_go: that whole album is based on barkering.
HobbitTween: Shoplifter's Market is very cool
llanwydd: you're getting away with more
HobbitTween: "There are no checkout counters. We just follow you to your car and read you your rights."
a_pizza_to_go: "self" checkout these days. same thing, more or less.
Principalpoop: i refuse to use the darn thing
a_pizza_to_go: yup
Principalpoop: wait in regular lane until some cashier goes to work
llanwydd: me too. you never know what can go wrong
a_pizza_to_go: sometimes you know exactly what can go wrong.
Principalpoop: simply a money saver for the company
Principalpoop: check out machines don't demand dignity or a living wage
HobbitTween: That's it. P
HobbitTween: Saves on 'humanware'
llanwydd: I don't know of any place but wal-mart that has them but that is usually where I shop for groceries
Principalpoop: oh llan, no, don'g give wal-mart your money
Principalpoop: find a grocery store that hire union workers
a_pizza_to_go: there's a place here now called "Fresh & Easy" that's all automated.
cease: a couple local grocery stores have them i use them
llanwydd: no? like I have the money to spend elsewhere
Principalpoop: the race to the bottom, thanks
a_pizza_to_go: yeah, well, you're Canadian, you can't help yourself... oh wait--- you are helping yourself? a paradox, eh?
llanwydd: I'm picturing "Fresh & Easy" staffed entirely by armed guards
HobbitTween: a nice pair
HobbitTween: lol LL
HobbitTween: also about the size of it
Principalpoop: i don't find wal-mart groceries cheaper, or I would be tempted to, I am on a tight budget
cease: the grocery stores are all hiring here.
HobbitTween: I also shop at WallyWorld. It's on my bus route and I can buy everything I need at one store. Whatcha gonna do :/
Principalpoop: cool, and canada has health care
HobbitTween: If you shop carefully, Walmart prices are good. You do have to be careful though
cease: we sure do
HobbitTween: Sometimes name brands are cheaper than their house brand
llanwydd: when I get my laser surgery it will be in montreal
a_pizza_to_go: dontcha hafta be a citizen Llan?
llanwydd: no
a_pizza_to_go: hmmmmmmmm...
a_pizza_to_go: speaking of National Health... great band, eh?
llanwydd: I know plenty of new yorkers who have gone to canada for medical and dental care
a_pizza_to_go: and they still vote Republican, eh?
llanwydd: I watched a National Health video on youtube. the music was good but the performance was weird
cease: dental care? people here go to mexico
llanwydd: that's funny, cat
HobbitTween: There are travel packages for people who want to go to MX for medical care
llanwydd: "I've got a cleaning in Juarez this afternoon"
cease: expensive, but good here. cheap, but you get what you pay for in mexico
HobbitTween: Although one must remember the admonition from EYKIW that their son was 'in medical school in Mexico for a couple of weeks" ;)
a_pizza_to_go: i live 30 miles from the border. there are a lotta quacks down there. gotta be careful.
Principalpoop: next time I need a tooth out, I will go to a bar and insult some big guy until it is taken care of
Principalpoop: faster and cheaper
a_pizza_to_go: you must need dentures by now, eh Poop?
llanwydd: interesting, tween. I never noticed that 2 weeks of medical school joke
Principalpoop: just starting that route now, grumble mumble
a_pizza_to_go: Catherwood, get Poop some adhesive.
||||||||| Catherwood gets poop some adhesive.
Principalpoop: taking the first mold of my mouth on the 20th, any advice?
cease: i just consulted eykiw which i thought was in the new book.
cease: no, it's another play with the same name
a_pizza_to_go: yeah... Implants. i won't do root canal anymore. waste of time and money.
llanwydd: does eykiw rhyme with haiku?
llanwydd: or does it just look that way
Principalpoop: good advice that, i already found that is true
a_pizza_to_go: yup. it only seems more expensive, 'til ya realize, you'll be at the implant stage eventually.
Principalpoop: live and learn, ouch lol
llanwydd: I'm curious. what does an implant cost?
a_pizza_to_go: but the trick is, to do a few at once, since the healing time is the same six to nine months.
llanwydd: is an implant anything like an eggplant?
a_pizza_to_go: oh, they can cost ten grand apiece... but root canal and crowns cost two or more grand, and they won't last.
Principalpoop: sort of like a birthday cake candle holder hehe
a_pizza_to_go: plus, you can still have residual pain after root canal, even tho' the nerves are removed.
Principalpoop: apparently the smart move is to have the implant planted right after the extraction, hole is there already
a_pizza_to_go: but seriously folx, where's Dave Assman?
llanwydd: so do you pay for the extraction along with the implant or is that another ten thousand dollars?
a_pizza_to_go: sometimes you can do that, not always.
HobbitTween: ...
Principalpoop: extraction is much much cheaper, depending on the tooth
Principalpoop: certainly nearer 100 for any of them
cease: ossman must be on his way to portland for tomorrow's show
Principalpoop: except wisdom or impacted big molars or something like that
a_pizza_to_go: but if you got no molars, you can't eat. (or be eaten)
llanwydd: lol
Principalpoop: tomorrow already? wow
cease: dex must be enjoying himself in vegas
||||||||| Catherwood intones "It's 9:57 PM; let's see who falls in through our celebrity trap door!" -- he pulls a lever, and Paustin plummets onto the oriental shag rug.
Principalpoop: rolling or getting rolled hehe
llanwydd: so then a whole mouthful of implants would run you $320,000
a_pizza_to_go: Philster!
llanwydd: Hi Phil
HobbitTween: Hey Phil :)
cease: wow, here's austin
Principalpoop: speak of the devil, or his highness,
Principalpoop: good evening sir
cease: it's not the postman, it's paustin
Paustin: So tonight were all four on KBOO radio from 10 to midnight PST
a_pizza_to_go: you participating tonite, or just checkin' the dipstick?
HobbitTween: kewl
Principalpoop: again? wonderful, cool
cease: can we hear it online, phil?
llanwydd: weirdly cool
||||||||| Catherwood steals into the room, and pipes up "Announcing 'Elayne', also known as 'Nancy' -- the time is 9:59 PM" -- then he slowly retires back into the anteroom...
Paustin: They have a live stream on the website
Elayne: Evenin' all!
llanwydd: Hi Elayne
cease: hi el
Principalpoop: sounds like the official halloween station of california
a_pizza_to_go: can you pee in it?
Principalpoop: Hi E
Elayne: Hey, Phil A's here! Thanks for the lovely birthday wishes last week, PA!
llanwydd: LOL
HobbitTween: Got a URL, Phil?
HobbitTween: Hey E
Elayne: "KBOO" sounds lke the Hallowe'en Station.
||||||||| Catherwood enters the room, strikes a gong, and bellows "THE TIME IN NEW YORK IS 10 O'CLOCK", then silently exits.
Elayne: Was Dex here tonight? I wanted to see if he'd gotten back from Vegas yet.
llanwydd: princ beat you to it, elayne
cease: doesnt look like it, el
a_pizza_to_go: Catherwood, get Mr. Austin a nice hot cheeselog.
||||||||| Catherwood gets mr austin a nice hot cheeselog.
Elayne: Dang, 10 PM and I haven't eaten yet. Be right back.
Paustin: Just type in KBOO to googlie
cease: is that a portland station?
Principalpoop: http://kboo.fm/listen
Principalpoop: it is portland, origamion
HobbitTween: So 10pm Pacific
Principalpoop: boot from the coop?
a_pizza_to_go: is it NPR, or Pacifica?
HobbitTween: Midnight here :/
Principalpoop: word to your mother, jake
HobbitTween: Hope they archive it
llanwydd: midnight? where are you, atlantis?
llanwydd: just joking. I get it.
a_pizza_to_go: it's still 7pm in Portland. Have you had dinner yet, Phil?
Principalpoop: boots riley, keeping it real
a_pizza_to_go: (perhaps Mr. Austin is having a Pizza to go...?)
Principalpoop: i turned kboo off a while ago, you folks still listening to it
Paustin: They have a live stream on the website
Principalpoop: yes, they were outside some home trying to stop an eviction
Principalpoop: http://www.oneforthetable.com/oftt/stories/explore-like-a-local-vancouver-food-carts.html for you cat
cease: hope you sell lots of copies of Anhthynge
cease: a verey substantial volume
cease: havnet tried the new food carts yet. too cold outside
Principalpoop: hot dogs with japanese toppings? go on... hehe
a_pizza_to_go: those Japs are such perverts.
cease: i dont know how to take that
a_pizza_to_go: like a man, i mean a joke!
Principalpoop: rather he call them Nips?
cease: lots of japs and nips in old firesign plays
Principalpoop: the anniversary of pearl harbor, lighten up hehe
a_pizza_to_go: it's all those Jewish writers.
cease: we had ww2 pencils when i was in elementary school in van nuys
Principalpoop: a day that will live in infamy, we surrender
Elayne: Alas, I don't think I'll be up till 1 AM Eastern time to listen in. Have a great show, Phil - do say hi to the others for me, and especially a happy belated to Dave and Peter.
cease: some had erasers and were inscribed "for rubbing out nips"
a_pizza_to_go: now THAT's offensive.
llanwydd: it's the anniversary of john lennon's assassination as well. play some beatles in remembrance
Principalpoop: the cartoons from that period are way out of line....
llanwydd: I have friend in van nuys who is an actor
Principalpoop: watching some keith richard interview clips at youtube, wow
a_pizza_to_go: i've outlived Lennon by decades (Phuk, i'm old...)
Principalpoop: dog wants out, you are not the only one
cease: anyone else got their copy of Anyhynge yet?
a_pizza_to_go: i know, brother.
llanwydd: I didn't know about anythynge. why didn't you tell me?
cease: my copy came this week
llanwydd: I had the original that came out in 1981 or 82
cease: this is the book, llan
a_pizza_to_go: crap... we've outlived Georgie as well.
Elayne: Good lord, it is, isn't it? 31 years.
llanwydd: and I bought a copy of the original script from The Young Tom Edison Club
Elayne: I overheard the young accountants in the cubicles next to me talking about The Beatles today, as if they were a brand-new discovery. Does my heart good.
a_pizza_to_go: i got "Big Book Of Plays" back in th' day.
cease: indeed, el. i was delighted when bit got into sgt. pepper
llanwydd: I had Big Book of Plays and Big Mystery Joke Book. I wish I still had them
a_pizza_to_go: yup. Beatles are still ground zero for this olde farte.
cease: now they're 2, 2, 2 books in one
HobbitTween: What's really good, lasts
llanwydd: I don't remember what happened to them but they are collector's items now
cease: blues just came in, looking healthy
HobbitTween: WC and Marx Bros are still relevant
cease: true, tween
HobbitTween: All Hail Marx & Lennon!
a_pizza_to_go: recently, a remastered set of the sound Laurel & Hardy stuff was finally released. i recommend it muchly.
cease: & Lime
llanwydd: what's really good lasts in a sense but the "one who offended all" proved that there is an unfortunate exception
a_pizza_to_go: ten-disc set on DVD.
llanwydd: a cynical thought entered my mind at the time and it never left me. I anything great and important comes into being, somebody will want to destroy it
cease: saw them dancing to santana song on youtube
llanwydd: pardon me. I didn't mean "I", believe me
HobbitTween: There are always defenders of the Status Quo, LL
HobbitTween: Phil, really great to see all you guys so active
||||||||| It's 10:25 PM, and that means it's time to play BEAT THE REAPER! And here's how our contestants did:
||||||||| Paustin - dead from the yaws
||||||||| Better luck next time! And now, back to our chatroom, which is already in progress...
a_pizza_to_go: well, the good shit has always been a "connoisseurs only" club. you know, like being an FT fan.
HobbitTween: Got that one in just in time lol
Elayne: Alas, Phil has departed...
Principalpoop: back full moon tonight, bright
llanwydd: what do the yaws look like
a_pizza_to_go: you killed him, Tweeny.
Principalpoop: damn deer as big as horse just standing by the side of the house
cease: he alerted us to the show tonight.
HobbitTween: wow P
llanwydd: maybe a small horse
a_pizza_to_go: yeah P. sure makes a big hairy guy like me, thirsty.
Principalpoop: the magnificance of nature, or some such thing
HobbitTween: As I said, I hope they archive it and post the archive at Facebook, etc
cease: probably will, tween
Principalpoop: lunar eclipse this weekend, last one for 3 years
Principalpoop: yes, they over mp3 of previous shows at the kboo site
cease: this seems like an extenison of the rfo shows they did recently
HobbitTween: Well buckaroos, both of mickey's hands are pointing towards the bed
llanwydd: it will last for 3 years? what's happening to the myoon?
Principalpoop: all moved in?
HobbitTween: Have a great week all, and be well and happy :)
HobbitTween: Still unpacking, P
llanwydd: Nite Tween
Elayne: Night, Tween!
cease: same to you, tween
HobbitTween: Until last time, again...
Elayne: I think I'll be heading off as well. Next week, all!
||||||||| Around 10:29 PM, Elayne walks off into the sunset...
Principalpoop: they won't line up again llan, like billiard balls
||||||||| 10:29 PM -- HobbitTween left for parts unknown.   (Entry from Nick Danger's "Idiots I Have Been Paid To Follow").
Principalpoop: night E
cease: bye el
Principalpoop: ugh tween
a_pizza_to_go: http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/technology/2011/12/how-to-watch-saturdays-total-eclipse-of-the-moon-on-your-computer.html
llanwydd: yeah, I've had a total eclipse of the computer more than once
Principalpoop: good luck tween, thanks pizza, cool
a_pizza_to_go: i too shall go whence the Bozos. Nitey & Thanks to all.
cease: by pizza
||||||||| At 10:31 PM, the lights go out! Rocky Rococo's voice pierces the inky darkness: "I've got you now, a_pizza_to_go!" Shattering glass is heard, and then the lights come back on...
llanwydd: Nite aptg
Principalpoop: de bus de bus like the de plane de plane, everyone taking off
cease: off we flee
Principalpoop: cat llan and poop, what a stew
||||||||| cease departs at 10:32 PM, singing "Toad away, toad away; toad away, toad away! Where do you go when you're toad away?"
llanwydd: me too. goodnight.
Principalpoop: no no no
||||||||| At 10:32 PM, the lights go out! Rocky Rococo's voice pierces the inky darkness: "I've got you now, llanwydd!" Shattering glass is heard, and then the lights come back on...
Principalpoop: ahh ok, night night, good luck
Principalpoop: night all
||||||||| Principalpoop leaves to catch the 10:32 PM train to Elmertown.
||||||||| "11:13 PM? 11:13 PM!!" says Catherwood, "ah,clem should be here by now...oh, THERE you are!" as ah,clem enters and sits on the divan.
||||||||| ah,clem rushes off, saying "11:15 PM? Mark Time is almost on! Where's a radio?"
||||||||| Catherwood enters, and announces to all and sundry "It's 4:32 AM, time to change the log file and clean out unused rooms; please exit the chat room for a minute or two. Thank you for your patience."

The Evening's Participants:
URL References:

Rogue's Gallery:

cat_pp.jpg (5168 bytes)
PP and Cat(cease)

newbunny.jpg (4426 bytes)

capeken.jpg (7639 bytes)
kend^/Dr. Headphones

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Merlyn and Tirebiter

capedoc.jpg (6006 bytes)

newlili.jpg (6085 bytes)

freq.jpg (4441 bytes)

roto.jpg (6046 bytes)

babs_so.jpg (5555 bytes)
LeatherG & SO

nino1.jpg (5352 bytes)

tonk1.jpg (6123 bytes)

ahclem+Bambi.jpg (9500 bytes)
Ah, Clem and Bambi

old-man.gif (55478 bytes)
Compañero Señor Yämamoto

ashhar.jpg (9068 bytes)
Dexter Fong

newelayne.jpg (15.1 kbytes)

Bubba's Brain.jpg (6600 bytes)
Bubba's Brain

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boney.jpg (20600 bytes)

llan.jpg (13200 bytes)

tweeny.jpg (12588 bytes)

3rdmate.jpg (23157 bytes)

peggy.jpg (5240 bytes)
Peggy Blisswhips

audrey.jpg (4873 bytes)
Audrey Farber

tdt.jpg (6077 bytes)
Tiny Dr. Tim
Rest In Peace, Dear Friend

capeklok.jpg (5469 bytes)
404 - Not Found, Not Forgotten

And, "The Home Team"