From the desk of George Tirebiter

George Tirebiter: First, I’d like to thank all those listeners who’ve written me to say that they NEVER watch the news on television. As most of you know by now, the line between fact, fiction, fictionalized fact, cartoon characters, and the unfortunate victims of what the trade calls “biopics” has become so blurred that not even the well-informed viewer can figure out What Is Reality?

Since the answer to that question is one of the ten most important answers facing the country today, let me propose the first step to a way back to Reality: DON’T WATCH THE NEWS ON TELEVISION. It will scare you, confuse you, mis-inform you and bore you silly. There you have it, Tirebiter’s First Not Insane! Solution for America. Give it up! You can do it!

If you’ve got to have a fix, tune in new ME-TV Channel – I understand they’ve got all those programs about “Me” – you know, Me the rich Hollywood producer – there’s two of those! - Me, starring on the program named after Me - and all those little “me”s who once were Idols or Bachelors, or Survivors, or the terminally Gonged. You add up 40 years of 15 minutes of fame and you’ve got a 24/7 cable that’s just as good as all-news any time.

Did you know that U. S. Senators are not allowed to insult each other publicly? That’s right? The Senate has rules that prohibit “unclothed insult.” Does this mean that you cannot moon your fellow Senators? Indeed it does! It seems Tom Harkin of Iowa mentioned by name a pair of his cohorts on the other side of the aisle and said he was witnessing a lot of sanctimony and hypocrisy. Fiercely, in the manner of a Middle School boys vice principal, Senator Don Nichols of Oklahoma took the floor to say that if Harkin did that again, he, Nichols would have him cited for violating senate rules – the ones prohibiting “unclothed insult.”

I ask you, doesn’t the American public deserve to know exactly which of our esteemed Senators are sanctimonious hypocrites? Well, since you asked, Bennett of Utah and Kyl of Arizona. According to Harkin.

President Bush, whom no one has recently called a sanctimonious hypocrite, charged the Senate and House last week to resolve their differences on the pending Medicare bill “for the sake of American seniors.” Now, as a dues-paying American senior I can tell you that the answer to the question of health insurance – or, What Is Venality? is another of the Ten Most Important Questions needing a Not Insane! answer.

What’s holding Congress up? (Besides life-long triple retirement accounts, all the free health-care you could stuff a pig with, and instant re-employment by guys who want to influence Congress?) Only one real issue they say – Medicare has to compete with private insurance companies. You think you had trouble deciding which long-distance provider to sign up with? Wait until you start reading the fine print with that old pair of bi-focals. Maybe the folks who want to invest their Social Security checks in the stock market would go for the notion of comparison-shopping for health insurance – unless, of course, they’re really sick. Remember, venality is the use of a position of public trust for dishonest gain.

So here’s Tirebiter’s Second Not Insane! Solution for America: FIND A CURE FOR VENALITY! (And start with the sanctimonious hypocrites.)


George Tirebiter
November 15, 2003

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