From the desk of George Tirebiter

George Tirebiter: Here I am, it's George Tirebiter again, this is the last program of the year...[applause] Thank you, thank you. I have, uh, I've been giving some stump speeches over the last few weeks...I did enjoy, I must say, doing some radio theater last week. And we shall bring back some more, when we return. Perhaps "Young Tom Edison," played by Mr. Ossman's son, Orson.

Judith Walcutt: He would be very good...

George Tirebiter: He would be a very good Young Tom Edison. Well, ladies and gentlemen, 2004 is about to be here, and it will bring the long march to election day. As a former Vice-President, I was amused to watch former Veep Al Gore choose his favorite from among the Democratic pack -- Dr. Dean, who is, I must say, only the second-best Vice-Presidential candidate, in my opinion.

Now here's the real situation: you see, Lieberman had been essentially already elected Vice-President and lost. Kucinich, obviously too revolutionary for a Vice-President. Sharpton, too absolutely cool, just too "pop culture" for the job, you know. Kerry - well, John Kerry knows that Massachusettes' Senator is to Veep as the Vienna Boys' Choir is to Tiny Tim, and nix to that. The Senator with the nearly invisible name - John Edwards. Totally forgettable, unfortunately, is too hungry for the big-time, not a candidate for Vice. General Clark, of course, is too used to being General to be Vice-President. Gephart. Who? Carol Mosley Braun, now there's the logical Vice-Presidential candidate, I'm sure everyone will agree with that.

Reaction to the Gore endorsement was, of course, predictable. Senator Kerry read a book about Mrs. Bear to first-graders in New Hamshire; Senator Lieberman was quick to claim the center -- all of it, for himself. General Clark had to answer a lot of "what if" questions about being Veep to Dean's Prez. Oh, it was a scene of petty sound-biting self-interest so as to rile the blood and call for a cry of "Not Insane!"

Of course, on the other side of everything, the White House strategists also appear to be betting on Dr. Dean for President. Some said "Dean gets in trouble too often by shooting from the hip" -- there's irony for you -- and accused him of being "slow to clean up messes." Well, as you may have guessed, the White House is absolutely impervious and completely un-ironic place. Impervious to irony. Irony, you see, does not grease the wheels of Halliburton. Does it? No.

Well, on to the NeoCons and on to 2008 when we'll probably end up with the duel of the doctors, as Dr. Dean returns to do battle with Dr. Frith - why do I always want to say "Dr. Filth" when I read his name? Maybe then we'll get Carol Mosley Braun -- or maybe Arnold. My guess is as good as yours, so keep on guessing, and Happy Holidays from George Tirebiter. Thank you so much. [applause]

Judith Walcutt: George Tirebiter is running for Vice-President on the Natural Surrealist ticket.


George Tirebiter
December 13, 2003

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